I'm so excited for Opening Day of Major League Baseball—America's least polar vortex-compatible team sport! Here is my overview of the 2014 season, replete with predictions that might even be accurate. (Note: An asterisk predicts a Wild Card team.)
National League East
1. Washington Nationals: Unlike last season, the Nationals should deliver on their prodigious hype in 2014. Bryce Harper, now old enough to legally drink, seems poised to emerge as an elite outfielder. Infielders Ryan Zimmerman and Ian Desmond will likely both belt over 20 homers and get on-base often. The Nationals' clear strength, however, is their pitching staff. Between strikeout masters Stephen Strasburg and Gio Gonzalez and the crafty Jordan Zimmerman, the Nats could produce two 20-game winners.
2. * Atlanta Braves: The tomahawk chop chanters could be World Series contenders. Led by first baseman Freddie Freeman, centerfielder Justin Upton, and a well-rounded supporting cast, their offense can produce. The Braves also have depth in their five-man rotation and closer Craig Kimbrel has a knack for striking out the side in the ninth inning.
3. Philadelphia Phillies: Infielders Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and Jimmy Rollins are all well beyond the primes they established circa 2008. At age 35, Cliff Lee can still dominate on the mound, but nevertheless, the Phillies are too old to make a playoff push as they are currently constituted. The trade deadline and a rebuilding process await.
4. New York Mets: Losing young starter Matt Harvey to Tommy John surgery will preclude them from contending in 2014. Actually, even with Harvey, the Mets wouldn't have a playoff team. Third baseman David “Captain America” Wright is a very good player with a mediocre supporting cast.
5. Florida Marlins: Pitching wunderkind Jose Fernandez and bomber Giancarlo Stanton are players worth noting on an otherwise awful team.
NL CENTRAL
1. St. Louis Cardinals: The reigning National League champs are a safe bet to win the division again. Leadoff man Matt Carpenter scored a mind-boggling 126 runs last season. He should set the table for run-producers like Matt Holiday, Allen Craig, and one of the game's best catchers, Yadier Molina. The Cardinals' rotation is led by Cy Young hopeful Adam Wainwright and aspiring phenom Michael Wacha. Like it or not, we'll probably be watching the Redbirds compete in October.
2. Cincinnati Reds: Owing to middle-tier hitting, good pitching, and a closer who throws nasty heat (Aroldis Chapman), the Reds should finish above .500. With a judicious eye for balls and strikes, first baseman Joey Votto excels at drawing walks, but his approach has become too passive and he doesn't drive in as many runs as the Reds need him to. Defensively, Brandon Phillips is the most dazzling second baseman in baseball, but he's not an ideal cleanup hitter. Expect Johnny Cueto and Mat Latos to collectively win 30 games.
3. Milwaukee Brewers: With face-of-the-franchise Ryan Braun set to return from a disgraceful suspension, the Brewers' lineup should produce oodles of runs. Centerfielder Carlos Gomez and shortstop Jean Segura are dynamic cornerstones with All-Star talent. Their starting pitching figures to be solid but not great. Crew fans are advised to hope new acquisition Matt Garza can stay healthy. Compared to 2013, they should have better fortune where injuries and embarrassing scandals are concerned, but if their bullpen remains as faulty, the Brewers won't contend for a Wild Card spot.
4. Pittsburgh Pirates: Though reigning MVP Andrew McCutchen is an outstanding ballplayer, don't expect the Pirates to duplicate the success they had in 2013. Outfielder Starling Marte and pitcher Gerrit Cole could soon become impact players, but overall, their roster is underwhelming and it's unlikely they'll overachieve to the degree that they did last season.
5. Chicago Cubs: The perennial slogan of the north side's lovable losers, “Wait until next year,” is sure to be bandied about by early May at Wrigley Field—only this time, the adage might be justified. The Cubs are loaded with promising prospects in their farm system. 2014, however, will be a woeful season. At the very least, they're hoping to see progress from core players such as young first baseman Anthony Rizzo, shortstop Starlin Castro (who regressed from being a feisty hit-machine to managing just a .245 batting average), and ace-by-process-of-elimination Jeff Samardzija.
NL WEST
1. Los Angeles Dodgers: The Dodgers would be a colossal disappointment if they didn't at least earn a playoff spot. Clayton Kershaw and Zack Greinke are probably the best tandem of starters in baseball. Their lineup features a handful of All-Star-caliber hitters such as Hanley Ramirez, Adrian Gonzalez, Yasiel Puig, and (if healthy) Matt Kemp. What's more, their closer Kenley Jansen won't surrender too many late-inning leads.
2. * San Francisco Giants: Not long ago, the Giants won the World Series twice in three years. They specialize in winning close games by means of great pitching, opportunistic hitting, and a stingy bullpen. Matt Cain and Madison Bumgarner highlight their rotation, Buster Posey and Hunter Pence drive in runs, and Sergio Romo saves leads.
3. Arizona Diamondbacks: If you remember no one else from this respectable yet innocuous team, don't forget the name Paul Goldschmidt. The All-Star first baseman is one of the game's most remarkable talents, but the roster around him needs to be upgraded before his D-Backs can contend.
4. Colorado Rockies: No surprises here. Basically every year, Colorado has a few great players like Troy Tulowitzki and Carlos Gonzalez who benefit from hitting in the thin air of the Rocky Mountains—where safety squeezes sometimes lead to accidental home runs—but their pitching is deplorable. Still, Tulowitzki and CarGo ought to have monster seasons.
5. San Diego Padres: With a middling lineup and unexceptional pitching, the Padres will be overmatched more often than not. On the odd chance you're looking for reasons to get jacked about the 2014 Padres, second baseman Jedd Gyorko possesses plenty of pop and shortstop Everth Cabrera may steal 40 bases.
American League East
1. New York Yankees: The Pinstripes failed to reach the playoffs last year, but they haven't fallen short of the postseason in consecutive (full) seasons since '92 and '93. To the tune of Darth Vader's dirge, the evil empire spent the winter distributing checks to high-priced free agents like catcher Brian McCann and outfielders Jacoby Ellsbury and the aging but still productive Carlos Beltran. In a truly obscene gesture to small-market teams, the Yankees then added Masahiro Tanaka, who was undefeated (24-0) in Japan last season. Holdovers CC Sabathia, Alfonso Soriano, and Derek Jeter are too old to perform at the level they once did, but still, the damn Yankees are built to win now.
2. * Tampa Bay Rays: The anti-Yankees have thrived on a modest budget by drafting and developing homegrown talent. This is especially true of their pitching staff. Matt Moore, David Price, and Alex Cobb are all in their 20s and poised to post winning records and low ERA's. Though less formidable, their offensive attack was strengthened last year by rookie outfielder Wil Myers. He figures to slug in the meat of the order along with Evan Longoria and the versatile Ben Zobrist. The embattled Heath Bell will vie to become their closer, which means their bullpen could be an issue.
3. * Boston Red Sox: Two seasons ago, everything went wrong for the Red Sox. Last season saw a total reversal of fortune that led to their third World Series title in a decade. In 2014, some middle-ground of luck should be established; they’ll be competitive but a repeat is doubtful. With Jacoby Ellsbury departed, their lineup probably won’t score as often. Second baseman Dustin Pedroia and DH David Ortiz are productive, veteran leaders and bona fide heroes of Boston sports. On the mound, Jon Lester is a legit number-one starter. Clay Buchholz is very good but brittle. Their bullpen should be sterling.
4. Baltimore Orioles: Their lineup is awesome, but their starting pitching could be too dubious to earn a playoff spot. Chris Tillman will get run support, and consequently wins, but he's not a certifiable number-one. That aforementioned awesome lineup is bolstered by outfielder Adam Jones, first baseman Chris Davis, and newly acquired Nelson Cruz—but Baltimore will have to trade some hitting in exchange for pitching before the deadline in order to reach the postseason.
5. Toronto Blue Jays: Shortstop Jose Reyes is an electrifying leadoff man and Edwin Encarnacion is a beast, but the Jays' weak pitching will surrender more runs than their potent offense can score. Their division is brutal, too.
AL CENTRAL
1. Detroit Tigers: The annual favorite in their subpar division, the Tigers have impact players as well as notable contributors both at the plate and on the mound. Offensively, they swapped Prince Fielder for second baseman Ian Kinsler—who seems motivated to prove the Tigers got the better end of the deal. Outfielders Austin Jackson and the ageless Torii Hunter get on base, score runs, and provide a little home run thump, too. They precede Miguel Cabrera, the most dangerous slugger in baseball. Starter Justin Verlander was shockingly hittable last season, while Max Scherzer was as masterful as—well, Justin Verlander. As a duo, my hunch is that they’ll have even more shared success in 2014.
2. Kansas City Royals: On the cusp of finally returning to the postseason for the first time since 1985, the Royals wisely acquired the underrated Norichika Aoki to kick-start a lineup that includes capable hitters such as Alex Gordon, Billy Butler, and Eric Hosmer. Their closer, Greg Holland, totaled 47 saves last season. Their Achilles' heel is their rotation, which becomes dicey when someone other than James Shields takes the mound.
3. Cleveland Indians: The Tribe has a decent lineup, a poor rotation, and a closer who blew too many saves the last two seasons (Brewers' castaway John Axford). In a stouter division, they might very well finish last. Jason Kipnis is emerging as an elite second baseman and Carlos Santana is a proven cleanup hitter, but the Indians sorely lack shutdown pitching.
4. Chicago White Sox: Aside from Cy Young hopeful Chris Sale, this team lacks impact players. First baseman Jose Abreu could win Rookie of the Year, but aside from that, all indications are that it will be a pitiful summer for baseball in The Windy City.
5. Minnesota Twins: With a feeble offense, substandard pitching, and prospects still in development, the Twins equate to the Cubs of the American League.
AL West
1. Texas Rangers: Postseason underachievement prompted Prince Fielder’s trade to Texas, but he should thrive in the hitter-friendly confines of Rangers Park. The team also added outfielders Shin-Soo Choo and Alex Rios via free agency, who should steal bases and plate runs batting in front of mashers like Fielder and All-Star Adrián Beltré. Japanese import Yu Darvish is a sensational young pitcher and my pick to win the AL Cy Young. The rest of Texas’ rotation is solid, but they have a much lower ceiling. Their bullpen is the Rangers’ X factor.
2. Oakland Athletics: Though their “Moneyball” approach so often leads to overachieving surprises, the A's can't match the Rangers' talent and the AL East is stacked. Therefore, I'm betting against a Wild Card berth, but outfielders Coco Crisp and Yoenes Cespedes, third baseman Josh Donaldson, and some promising young pitchers make them a team worth watching.
3. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Outfielder Mike Trout is a virtuoso of a ballplayer, but the Angels sorely need both Albert Pujols and Josh Hamilton to redeem themselves and somehow justify their insanely lucrative contracts. Pitchers Jered Weaver and C.J. Wilson provide a steady one-two punch, but after them, the Angels don't have much pitching depth.
4. Seattle Mariners: “King” Felix Hernandez may be getting a bit more run support with the addition of slugger Robinson Cano, but the Mariners still have plenty of weaknesses in their lineup. Although Hernandez could win a Cy Young and Hisashi Iwakuma is a great second- starter, Kyle Seager and Corey Hart probably won't provide Cano with a legitimate supporting cast.
5. Houston Astros: Until the team's minor league talent makes it to the show, Houston is bound to have serious problems.
World Series: Dodgers over Rangers. I mean, Dodgers over Rangers?
Foolproof Brewers Prediction: Ryan Braun will get booed viciously when the Crew play games on the road.
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