Kind of Likes

^That rare phenomenon of thundersnow is kind of like Mother Nature is somehow burping and farting at the same time.^

My fondness for beer but not liquor is kind of like how I enjoy football but not Ultimate Fighting; I only love those vivid images of livers and men getting pummeled to a certain extent.

Excessive body hair on a man is kind of like evolution failing to realize how rare it is these days to freeze to death due to insufficient back and ass hair.

Those rotten shrubs and signs and fences that block my view of oncoming traffic at an intersection until I creep forward a little bit more are kind of like decorations that flip me the middle finger.

The basketball hoop at the playground that lost its net is kind of like the saddest sight on the planet.

Auto-Tuners are kind of like the answer to the question, “How can we make a singer sound like a robot, but not just an ordinary robot--mind you--I mean a really, really douchey robot?”

Those Faces of Death movies that showed amateur videos of car crashes and other catastrophes that seemed so devilish to me when I was a kid were kind of like the dramatic version of Tosh.O.

That Steely Dan hit "Reeling in the Years" is kind of like a pretentious guy calling his friend pretentious while he plays the guitar like a Philosophy professor who brought his axe into class to impress his students, only--you know--he's still just a Philosophy professor.


Ain't is kind of like a crude mutant of a word and double-negatives are kind of like the antithesis of the intended message...but I ain't never going to preach to stupid people who annoy the hell out of me.