Ueck Tribute

I was asked the following question by a piece of paper that I printed from my computer.

Tell us (The MLB Fan Cave) which MLB star you want to meet most, why, and describe the video idea you would want to film with this player.

Here is my response.

The MLB star I'd most like to meet is not an active player. In the '60s, he earned some scratch as a backup catcher in the show, but his career stats are, by his own admission, downright laughable. Don't hold that against him, though, because in the grand scheme of things, being laughable was and remains the supreme intent of Bob Uecker.

In regard to his stand-up comedy endeavors, Uecker stated, “I just recited the highlights of my career and the audience thought it was hilarious.” With dry and mordant self-deprecation, the Brewers' radioman has a knack for transforming failure into redemption and bliss. Like most every great humorist (baseball or otherwise), Uecker's mockery extends from internal to external. He endears audiences with his humility and his value of truth over ego before demonstrating that we're all part of the immense, cosmic joke--and therefore subject to ridicule. Uecker reminds us that to err is human, but more importantly, that the follies encoded in our beings are the source of hilarious material.

Perhaps my favorite Uecker quip was delivered on Milwaukee's WTMJ wavelength last season. Puzzled by the surge of “Tony Plush” t-shirts and signs around Miller Park, Uecker asked his co-announcer Cory Provus for an explanation of the trend. Provus dutifully informed him that Tony Plush is the alias of Nyjer Morgan, the Brewers' feisty and eccentric center-fielder. Ueck (aka Mr. Baseball) vaguely understood, but seemed nonplussed. Provus followed up with an inquiry of which name the voice of the Crew would choose as his alter-ego. With the swiftness of a Nolan Ryan fastball, Uecker replied, “Betty Davis.” And for the ensuing 30 seconds, the only soul dialed in to the broadcast who refrained from busting a gut was Bob Uecker.

As a mid-essay plot-twist, I'm not a Brewers fan. Since kindergarten, I have lent my support to the lovable losers due south of Wisconsin, the Chicago Cubs. (For some odd reason, I gush over excellence in comedy more so than in baseball.) I mention that because, should I be fortunate enough to shoot a promo alongside of Ueck, my Cubbie-allegiance could be brought up and lampooned.

What follows is a rough outline of my exchange with Bob Uecker.

Bob: So, this year's Fan Cave guy is a Cubs fan from Wisconsin. What's the story?

Nick: Relax, Ueck. It all boils down to freedom of choice.

Bob: Benedict Arnold said the same thing. That's some philosophy, kid.

Nick: Hey, come on. I seem to remember you calling games for the Cleveland Indians years ago.

Bob: Oh, not this again...

Nick: Hear me out. This year's Cubbies could be a lot like that Tribe team from the early '90s. We've got a roster full of misfits and under-achievers, low expectations, and an unproven rookie manager.

Bob: If I have to explain to yet another yahoo that that movie was not based on a true story...

Nick: Both Cerrano and Soriano are Dominican-born outfielders who can mash fastballs, yet struggle to hit the off-speed stuff. Cerrano, Soriano—the names sound eerily similar. Connect the dots, Ueck. I think the Cubbies are bound for the World Series.

Bob: That Indians team got swept in the ALCS! Didn't you ever see the sequel?! (Shakes head in dismay.) Moron.

End scene.

I'd be honored to be called a moron by Bob Uecker.