*In the opening scene, kid Michael Jordan is shooting hoops at night until his father kindly tells him it's past his bedtime. Slight cringes as R Kelly sings "I Believe I Can Fly." Oh man, you gotta do a lot of awful shit to ruin "I Believe I Can Fly."
*I'm stunned by the early death of Yosemite Sam, killed in cold blood by an alien with a ray gun.
Update: Yosemite Sam is alive, molecular structure back intact and doing his thing.
*The player with a name most like a Looney Toons character is Mugsy Bogues. I hope they paid him double.
*I'm pretty sure Bugs Bunny is pansexual. Cartoon, human, Michael Jordan--doesn't matter. He'll kiss anyone. Maybe he could settle down with Lola Bunny, but they'd need to have an open relationship.
*Kids take note: Spitting on the gym floor a bunch of times is hilarious.
*In a shocking development that's making me wonder what kind of a God would let this happen, Foghorn Leghorn has been fatally incinerated.
Update: Wait! He's OK. I just saw him walking off the court, good as new.
*2020 parallels: When stars like Barkley and Ewing get their talent stolen by aliens, other players get fearful and resort to wearing protective masks to manage the threat. Unable to promise their safety, the commissioner shuts down the NBA indefinitely. Note to self: Pull conspiracy theory out of ass that Coronavirus= Space Jam and upload it to YouTube.
*I'm not crazy about starting Daffy Duck at power forward. He's clearly not that powerful.
*Kids again: Shooting double-barrel shotguns in a crowd and smashing friends with mallets also super funny.
*The Monstars screwed up their roster by taking Shawn Bradley's talent when they already had Patrick Ewing at center. They should've picked Reggie Miller to have a shooting guard to match up with MJ. This is not a joke. Deal with it.
*If Bill Laimbeer was one of the dirty players on the Monstars, he'd find a way to 100% murder Bugs Bunny, sending kids home from the movies in tears and destroying a franchise.
*They play "I Believe I Can Fly" twice! Are kids still allowed to watch this movie? Get Rihanna or Cee Lo Green to cover it in the damn Space Jam re-release already. Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?
*Happy ending. Dated cartoon characters and a McDonald's spokesman with a nice smile can never be defeated. Michael Jordan draws the defense but kicks it out to a wide open Porky Pig (who we all believed was dead) to swish home the buzzer beater in the director's cut.
*"Don't ever trust an Earthling." --Bill Murray
2 comments:
This was a fun read! Nicely done! :-)
I saw a transgender documentary complimenting Bugs as a leader in cross dressing and gender bending. No joke. So nice connection. I'm curious what awful music they will include in Space Jam 2. Time will tell!
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