Trump Praised by Rural Americans for Not Calling Their County a Shithole

"Great news! He didn't call this place a shithole!"

In the wake of his crass remarks about Haiti and African countries, citizens throughout the U.S. are praising President Trump for not calling the counties they live in a shithole. Americans such as Stu Gipson of Waupaca in Waupaca County, Wisconsin have taken to social media to salute the president.

           

“I’ve heard hundreds of people refer to Waupaca as a shithole, and it hurts every time,” Gipson stated on Facebook. “But as far as I know, Trump has never jumped on that shithole bandwagon. And for that, he’s like a folk hero around here.”

          

Lurleen Campbell of Lynchburg in DeSoto County, Mississippi was likewise impressed.

          

“When the host of The Celebrity Apprentice, main eventer at WrestleMania 23, and also the leader of the free world does our county a solid by not saying it’s a shithole, that kind of generosity goes a long way in these parts.”

          

Perhaps Randy Trickle of Cooter in Pemiscot County, Missouri best expressed the gratitude felt by some of Trump’s base.

          

“I don’t use the word HONOR lightly,” Trickle tweeted. “But when the guy from #HomeAlone2/POTUS didn’t make a Pemiscot County= shithole comment, what an honor!”

          
 It remains unclear if these three Trump supporters misunderstood his words or simply don’t know the difference between a country and a county.

Former Sheriff Clarke Announces Plan to Enter Royal Rumble

What began as another scathing tirade against the liberal media took an unexpected turn when, during a Monday taping of Fox and Friends, former Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke Jr. suddenly proclaimed he'd be wrestling in the WWE's Royal Rumble. Hosts were taken aback when the polarizing right-wing figure shifted gears from denouncing CNN's coverage of the "Black Lives Matter" movement to letting the world know his plan to enter and win the 30-superstar battle royal-style event.

"BREAKING NEWS!" he shouted midway a speech that smeared CNN. "I'm gonna make a whole lot of LEFTY CRYBABIES CRY on January 28th in Philly, when I smack the teeth out of every so-called superstar in the WWE to become the LAST MAN STANDING at this year's Royal Rumble! You bunch of snow-flaky VEGANS are gonna weep TEARS OF DESPAIR as you witness my triumph inside the ring, and I will NOT FAIL in my mission to throw 29 lesser men OVER THE TOP ROPE!"

The WWE has yet to address the former Sheriff's comments. Clarke's claim was bold considering how hard it is to enter the Rumble first and go on to win by beating literally everyone else in the match. Nonetheless, co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade seemed to admire Clarke's moxie, going so far as to refer to their guest by his new wrestling persona "David 'The Almighty Righty' Clarke."

In a related story, President Trump has denied rumors that he will partake in this year's Rumble, but he still hasn't ruled out being the special guest referee for a "Hell in a Cell" match at WrestleMania.