Predator to Famous Predators: "Stop Giving Me a Bad Name"

My smile would be warmer if women were treated with more respect.

As the namesake of Predator and the co-star of Alien vs. Predator, I feel I've earned the right to express my view of the sexual predators who've been exposed in the movie biz, and here's my message: Stop dragging the Predator name through the mud. My goal has always been to murder as many men as I possibly could, never to harass the fairer sex. You bunch of horny knuckleheads need to cut it out.  

When I see these exposés about famous lechers, I'm overwhelmed with feelings of dismay. Why did these deviants demean women by one-sidedly feeding their own twisted libidos? And almost as bad, is the public going to scorn me because I'm known as not just a predator, but The Predator? The answer to the first question is that I sincerely don't know, which is why I'm cool with slaughtering guys by the dozen. The answer to the second question is most likely yes, which is why I've got to defend myself.

These revelations have hit too close to home, and I'd like to declare that I'm not that kind of a Predator. While I would gladly destroy an elite team of Navy Seals in a South American jungle for sport because, quite frankly, the dudes probably had it coming, my stomach turns at the thought of my intimate desires causing harm to females. That's not what I'm about. Butchering all the non-Arnold guys in a military squad is a major part of who I am. Who I am not is a pervert who whips it out and goes into a tug frenzy in front of Earthling women who don't want to see me do that.

Let the record show that I never tried to kill or sexually harass the sole female in Predator. I strictly killed male soldiers in that film, and not because I'm anti-military, but because they were men, and I just feel like most males on this planet are shitty creatures.

Think about this: If so many men from the movies have sexually abused women, and I've murdered a lot of men in the movies, then maybe I'm not so bad after all. I want my message made loud and clear to these other predators: Stop giving me a bad name. 

I've never sunk to the disgraceful, ungentlemanly treatment of a lady, not on this planet or mine. Where I come from, it's common for a lady Predator to fall snout-over-boots in love with a male Predator without ever wanting to watch him stroke one out--not unless it's in the privacy of their own candle-lit cave, as long as the candles are placed far away, to minimize the unseemly act and to accentuate the romantic atmosphere of a pleasing silhouette of manhood flickering against a hard wall of stone. Where I come from, we're just grateful when this superior species lets us inside of them. So, we just light the candles and hope for the best.

To belabor my point, I beg you, don't get me confused with a glut of dick-wagging cretins. I've hidden in camouflage at too many anti-Trump rallies and read too many books on feminist theory to be pigeonholed like that. My name happens to be Predator. That doesn't mean I'm a monster.

My motivation for this scene was to look pissed about women being sexually degraded.